I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
