if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
