his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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