2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
