I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
