If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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