just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
