Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
