your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
