Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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