sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
