The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
