She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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