Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
