dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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