my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
