Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
