my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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