a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
