If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
BRING THE BAGELS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
