hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
