i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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