yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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