She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He? As in you personified your dick?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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