It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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