So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
