my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
