WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
