It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
