im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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