You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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