I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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