He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
