1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
