I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
