Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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