We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
