I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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