fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
