you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
