he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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