I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
