I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
