In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
