Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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