Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
