I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
