you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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