no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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