It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
is it fun? or sober?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
