Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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