I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Terrible idea I love it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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