i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
