Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
