Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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