There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
