found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
