Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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