he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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