hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dignity is for republicans.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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