Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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