When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Everyone says I win the strip club
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
