A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
