i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
