I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
