i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
