how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
