Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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