It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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