At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
